he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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