Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
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it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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