why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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