Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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