I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
