I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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