she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?