Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house