We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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