Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
