Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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