I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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