I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
