i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Come on in and take your pants off
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