She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
