Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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