haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
