I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
