If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
