If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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