She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
