My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
