I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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