Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
