I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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