My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
