Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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