dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
