I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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