I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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