I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
