epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
