Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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