in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Fuck appropriateness.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
