Can i not drive my cunt home
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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