we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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