I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
