I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
