can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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