That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
