he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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