Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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