i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
