there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
