you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
