you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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