I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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