She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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