i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
