why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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