well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
