New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
