So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
