My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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