You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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