Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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