I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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