so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
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