Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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